less is more

Where has all the money gone....long time passing; where have all the Christians gone, so far away. Where have all the churches gone....long time passing; they've gone to worldly gain, they've gone to worldly gain.

I wish Peter, Paul, and Mary were still singing. Where have all the flowers gone seems so pitiful right now compared to the lack of everything right now. And yet my body and mind have so much more. Why in the world would my call lead me finally to a place where there is nothing of my call to do but be? Without a church, without a cure, without a liturgy to make, where have I gone? I have gone within...so far away, so far away.

For four years I have suffered physically and psychologically because of personal tragedy accompanied by the caustic tongues and cruel actions of two dysfunctional parishes. I know it's not their faults; they can't help it. They are doing what they were taught to do, what was modeled to them. But decay is what happens when this happens to someone in my vocation, that is when the creative beauty that was first called is ignored or snubbed.

Is it a hate crime? It's alienating, that's for sure. But what happens while waiting, finally what happens is that God wins. God restores, rebuilds, refreshes and finally births a better me. I am still alienated but not alone; I am a recluse, but not cut-off; I am tranquil, and there is no reason I should be this way. God, during my time of no work, no congregation, no singing, I am emerging with a new physicality, a new psychological strength, and a new more solid foundation of being in my soul----and all from less.

Just the size of a mustard seed and yet an enormous bush grows. That seed within was never obliterated, only left fallow for awhile. Where have all the faithful gone, long time passing; they're here in hearts of silence, waiting for the cue to begin anew.