Your plan for me?

Today I read in a "Christian" book by a woman Christian for Christian women. In the part that I read, it said that God has a plan for my life.

Is the plan that I sit here, now miserable with flu and phlem, and waiting for the magic to happen, the magic when God reveals the plan for me. This makes no sense. If there's a plan about my life, I want to know what comes next and when.

When I read that statement, I thought to myself. Poor fools who read this stuff and believe it. I used to believe a lot of it, but I never believed that God had a plan for my life except that I, like all creations of God would live into eternity with God someday, in perfect unity.

But today, I got a letter from a friend who is a translator for Wycliff and who volleys her life with her husband's between New York and Kenya and Oregon. The part about Kenya was so devastating to read. People burning up in their homes and bodies. AID victims, orphans with nobody waiting for somebody to help them.

Our problems are whether or not we'll have another election or not in Michigan and Florida. We're a bunch of whiners. Americans are sissies, pansies they used to say, but I don't think that's as gender neuter as it once was. God I'm tired of being a brave person in the crowd of people who think life is too hard....having AIDs and being orphaned in Kenya while someone is burning down the hut you're standing in, now that's hard.

Dear God, where the hell is my new job in this PLAN that you have for my life? Here I wait with my husband day after day, tucked neatly in a former parishioner's home....the widow's penny maybe, only she's never been married.

I want the blue print and I want it now. I've been patient and thankful and grateful for every little thing but the truth is, nothing is going on. My sister almost died last week with her teeth. Now they're telling her she may already have heart problems from the stress that life has done to her.

I wanted to get well so I could help her. I want to get well so I can do the plan, damnit!

I'll be quiet now and I will be still and I may whimper, but please, please dear God, could you find me a job and a place to call home?